Save Yourself First
Most parents would do anything for their kids.
They would give the proverbial shirts off their backs if they had to. They want their kids to be happy, and most of all safe. A natural inclination would be to put their lives before their kids.
However, there are circumstances where it’s better to save yourself before saving your kids, or anyone else.
On airplanes, the flight attendants always instruct passengers to put their masks on before attending to those of their kids should the plane depressurize. That is because if parents pass out, they will be of little help to their kids. Both the parents and the kids will end up passing out when both could survive if the parents put on their masks first.
The title of this article can be looked at from a metaphorical perspective as well. Children tend to be happier when their parents are happy. Therefore, parents need to take steps to make themselves happy. That may run counter to many parents believing they should not think of themselves and give all their energies to their kids. While it is natural to feel that way, you will be doing your kids a disservice. You are human after all. You have needs and just because you have kids doesn’t mean you should stop living entirely. You need to attend to your needs.
Your kids will want you to be happy. They subconsciously know that it will extend to their happiness. Think back to when you were a child. Were you happier when your parents were happy? It’s likely you were.
That doesn’t mean you should be selfish and steal the happiness from your kids. You do need to attend to their needs. They deserve your attention and love. If you started thinking only of yourself, you would not be able to give them what they need from you.
It’s a balance that you have to discover by experimentation. For instance, you could use the time when kids are in school to go to a salon or go to a game with friends. Don’t feel guilty about doing this.
When your kids get older, you could tie family time into activities that would have been reserved only for yourself. For instance, if you love going to spas, bring your kids to see how they would like it. That is a great way to satisfy your needs as well as the needs of your family.Why It’s Okay to Put Your Needs First
You may feel guilty about thinking of yourself. You have always been an altruistic person and feel that others’ needs come before you. Your children mean the world to you and you want them to be happy. You want to take care of your parents and make sure all your siblings are cared for as well.
When you don’t take care of yourself and your needs, you lose yourself to everyone else. You stop having your own identity. You may accept this as the cost of family and friends. In the beginning, you are okay with it. But, over time, you don’t even recognize who you are.
There’s room in your life to consider others’ needs as well as your own. You simply have to make time to commit to yourself. If you have been putting off a hobby, it’s time to get started on it or revisit it. Hobbies are a great way to relax and have some fun.
You should have at least one hobby that you can call your own. You don’t invite anyone else to share your hobby. Or, at least you don’t ask people who are close to you. It’s okay to have hobbies where you meet other people. By having a hobby of your own, you can start to reconnect with your inner self.
It’s okay to start other hobbies that you can involve family and friends as well. That is a great way to have fun while turning it into a family event. That isn’t always easy, however. Your kids and your spouse may not share activities that everyone will appreciate. You should continue to pursue this as you never know when you find something that everyone will love.
If you are worried that you don’t have any time for yourself, you should realize that you don’t need to allocate that much time. It’s better to spend fifteen or twenty minutes consistently than to try to set aside several hours that you dedicate to yourself. That small slice of time is much easier for people to find than longer chunks of time. If you are still at a loss with finding the time, take five or ten minutes away from activities where you help others. Instead of spending an hour with a friend, spend 50 minutes. Do this with family and friends, and soon you will find you have more time than you realized. It’s not impossible if you make an effort.Put Your Needs First at Work
If you are one who is always yielding to others at work, you need to stop. Think about what it has gotten you. The answer is likely it has gotten you nowhere. People will continue to take. They won’t consider the fact that you are yielding.
Most people at your job don’t care as much as you do about your career. You may have people who champion you. But, either they move on to other departments or new companies, or they reduce the amount of time they will spend on your career. They’ll be more interested in their career.
There’s an old saying that it’s a dog-eat-dog world. That is as true today as when the saying first materialized. People will stop at nothing to get what they want. If there is a promotion up for grabs, they will fight you for it. They may even employ underhanded ways to get it.
That isn’t to suggest you should use underhanded means to get what you want. You need to live a life of integrity. If not, you won’t be able to sleep well at night. However, you are as good as anyone else, and maybe even better. Stand firm in your beliefs and put up a fight for what is yours.
Don’t get to the point where you are fighting just for the sake of the fight. For instance, if you truly feel you aren’t ready for a promotion or you don’t want the job, don’t put in for it. Let someone who does want it go for it. If you become that person who fights for the sake of the fight, people will lose respect for you. Besides, you won’t do a good job because you don’t want it, at least with the example of the promotion.
You need to understand what you want. Make a list of what you want from your career. When you have that figured out, you can present your case and stand your ground. The list is not firm, however. It is okay to change your priorities and wants later. You won’t feel the same now as you will in the future. There is nothing wrong with this. If someone challenges you on this, simply say that the old needs are no longer important to you.
Managing your career and your job is completely in your hands. You have to take control and determine where you want to go and how you will get there.Prioritize Your Needs
When you put yourself first, you are going to make a discovery about your life. You will realize that it’s fun to think of yourself over others. However, you can’t go too far with this and become selfish. That means that you won’t be able to attend to all your needs, and you will need to prioritize them.
Make a list of all your needs. Don’t worry about putting them in order of priority at this stage. The idea is to get them on paper. You should continue this exercise for several days because you won’t be able to remember everything in your first session.
An alternative is to put the list in a spreadsheet instead of writing it down on paper. When finished with the process, you can print it out and keep a copy near you to refer to it. That will help you easily shuffle the items around when you do eventually get to order them. Some people prefer to work using paper and pen, however.
It’s a personal choice.
Once you have a solid list of needs, it’s time to determine what is truly important and what you can put on the backburner. It is likely that your list is already in order of priority as you probably thought of the most important ones at the start of the process. However, there is nothing wrong with reordering items.
When you go through the list, try to make a note of how much time you will be able to devote to each item. Also, make a note of which items will require recurring time on your part. List the items that will affect others. These are all part of the process when deciding which can stay and which should be placed lower on the list.
When you consider the people that your list will affect, you may need to have conversations with them. It may cause changes in their lives that they are initially uncomfortable with and you’ll talk to them. For instance, if you have been staying home to take care of your family and you now want to start working again, this will be an adjustment for your whole family. You should discuss this with each member and ask how they feel about the situation.
You should expect some resistance in the beginning, especially if you spent most of your time attending to everyone else’s needs but your own. They will come around eventually when they see how much happier you have become.Don’t Be Selfish When Putting Your Needs First
It’s good to put your needs first. It is how you get ahead in life. If you don’t look after your own needs, it’s not likely anyone else will. However, when you get so focused on putting your needs first that you forget about everyone else, you may need to rethink your priorities.
When considering your needs, you should always ask if the actions you take will affect others. What are the ramifications of your actions? If you are stepping on someone else to get what you want, this could come back to haunt you later. You should feel good about most of the decisions you make in this regard.
Sometimes, you can’t help negatively affecting others. For instance, if you are competing with someone else for an award and you are the stronger candidate, you will likely get the award. The opponent will be disappointed. Be compassionate and a good winner. Don’t rub it in, but suggest that the opponent did well. However, don’t pass on the award just because the opponent is disappointed. You deserve the award, and you are the stronger candidate for it.
Once you start the process of putting your needs first, it can become easy to get caught up in the process. You may not be aware that you are hurting others. That’s why you need to be humble and try to take a step back from the process. If possible, ask a friend or family member if you are overstepping your bounds. It may not be easy to hear if they say yes. But, at least you will get an account that what you are doing is not correct. Hopefully, you will be able to bring yourself back.
By contrast, don’t let others hurt you. If you see that others are trying to step on you to get what they want, let them know they are not behaving properly.
You should recognize they have the right to fight for what they want. But, this should not force you to give up something that you have the right to have. That is especially troubling when the person acts adversely behind your back. You may not realize it’s happening until it is too late. The solution is to try and learn all you can about the situation.
You can get what you want without being sneaky about it. You will feel better about yourself and others will respect your position.