What Is Self Confidence
Have you ever seen the joy and delight at being alive in a baby’s eyes and wondered how you lost that spark?
When you see someone who seems very self-confident, do you wonder what that person has that you don’t have?
Have you ever put off doing something you really want to do — writing a book or asking an appealing person out — until you feel better about yourself?
Are you successful in some ways but underneath still feel that you could be stronger and feel more confident?
This ebook will reveal how you can find so much confidence inside yourself that you will be able to be the person you have always wanted to be and do the things you most want to do.
You will learn what true self-confidence is and how to nurture yourself so that you stop the habits that sabotage you and start building the mindset that will grow your self-confidence.
So, what is that thing we think of as self-confidence? Most people think it’s based on the ability to do some things well. For instance, a salesperson might say, “I know I’m great at sales because I’m great at getting prospects’ attention, I know how to close a deal, and I make more sales than anyone else in my company.” A woman might say, “I know I’m beautiful because I can get any man to ask me out.”
The problem with that thinking is that whenever you’re not doing the thing you’re good at, you don’t feel confident. Nobody’s good at everything. In fact, the most accomplished people are only good at a few things. When the salesperson isn’t selling or the beautiful woman isn’t being asked out by a man, they don’t feel confident.
True self-confidence has to transcend what we do. Think about it. Have you ever accomplished something that took a lot of effort and made you feel proud, but you still felt less than confident about yourself in general? Maybe you got that college degree, or bought the house you wanted, or you’re making plenty of money…and there’s a feeling of disappointment because it doesn’t make you as happy or self-confident as you thought it would?
In psychology this feeling that we don’t really deserve what we’ve earned is described as the Imposter Phenomenon. No matter how much you accomplish or acquire, it won’t satisfy you unless you have self-confidence on the inside. So, what’s missing?
True self-confidence has nothing to do with what you’ve accomplished and everything to do with your belief that you have the ability to do anything you want to do. It comes from the inside. It comes from trusting yourself and committing to yourself that you will do whatever is necessary and most desirable in your life. Whatever you are faced with in life, you will face and deal with. You will take action. You know that because you have made a commitment to yourself.
Self-confidence doesn’t depend on the outcome of those actions, but on your rock-solid faith in yourself to take the actions. Basing your self-confidence on positive results is setting yourself up to fail. The universe – all the people whose good responses you are depending on – can’t be depended on to give you the results you want at all times.
The irony is that the only one you can depend on to give you the results you want is you. You can count on yourself and your commitment to you. You will take action, and you will adjust that action as needed. That is the source of real self-confidence. Of course, every outcome won’t be what you’d like. That’s life, and that’s all right. Your confidence is based on who you are, not what you did. No one or no adverse outcome can take that away from you.
It makes sense, doesn’t it? After all, so much of life is about doing new things and being put in new situations where we have no expertise. Isn’t that what progress is all about? In addition, just because you did something well one time, does that mean you do it well again? Maybe, but maybe not! What you do know is that you’ll do everything necessary to do the best job you can. You’re committed to taking action and following through, whatever it takes. You might go through many stages, changes, and challenges, but you will go through them to the end.
It’s a simple explanation for something as mysterious as true self-confidence. But it’s the truth. Self-confidence comes from your commitment to yourself to take action and to follow through. Easy to understand, but not usually easy to do. The rest of this ebook tells you how to do it. Self-Confidence, Why We Don’t Have It?
What’s your reaction when you’re faced with doing something for the first time? If you’re asked to give a talk on something you don’t know much about, how do you feel? If you’re faced with an unexpected bill you don’t know how you’ll pay, what’s your first thought? If you’re asked to do something new at your job, what’s your reaction?
Excitement about a new challenge?
Fear that you won’t be able to do it?
Trust that you will do whatever it takes?
Is there something in your life that you would like to do right now? Are you afraid that you’ll procrastinate, or get sidetracked, or that you won’t finish it? Has this happened in the past? This is the point where you stopped trusting yourself, and stopped pushing past the obstacles and the fear.
You’ve probably heard about Thomas Edison’s thousand failed attempts to invent the light bulb and how he said, “That wasn’t failure since he had learned one thousand ways not to invent the light bulb.” That’s exactly the attitude that separates winners from quitters. All of the winners — those who eventually succeed — trust themselves to keep on going in spite of challenges and mistakes.
One of the secrets these winners share is that there are many failures on the road to success. We look at them after they’ve succeeded, and all we see is the final result, the success. We assume they have always been successful and even that there’s something special or miraculous about them that we don’t have. WeÕre waiting until we feel as confident as they seem before we begin. If there’s one formula for failure, that is it.
To do something, whatever the “thing” is that you want to do, you need to realize in advance that you’re starting from a place of not knowing what you’re doing and will make mistakes, probably lots of them. You might even be very bad at “it.” It’s OK, really. You have to look bad before you look good. That’s how it works. Ask yourself, “What’s the alternative.” Well, the alternative is doing only the things you know you can do well. Now, where’s the fun in that?
Are you procrastinating? Are you waiting to feel confident about doing something before starting? Sorry, but you will wait forever. Are you wanting to write a book but won’t go near the computer? Wanting to start a business but won’t leave the TV room? Are you waiting for the magic to happen that will take all the fear away and make you feel certain of success? The only magic is in not waiting for the magic and taking the first step in spite of the fear.
In fact, the longer you wait, the less confident you will feel. The more you procrastinate, the more your fear will grow.
Another sure way to sabotage your dreams is to put off feeling good about yourself until…sometime in the future. Have you every told yourself that you will have confidence
when you lose 15 pounds
when you have a girlfriend/boyfriend
when you’re out of debt
when you’ve finished school
and on and on and on…
There’s no problem with wanting to improve ourselves in any capacity. The problem is that this is conditional self-love and this attitude makes you feel bad about yourself until you’ve accomplished that task. Even worse, what usually happens is that, once you’ve achieved the first goal, you will probably come up with another one: “Oh, ok, I lost the 15 pounds, but what I really need is a boyfriend. Then, I’ll feel good about myself.”
Look at it this way. How would you feel about a boss who said, “I know I promised you a raise when you finished that project, but I need you to do this project now. Then I’ll give you the raise.” How about a boyfriend who said, “I know I said we’d get married this June, but we really need to wait until next June.” You’d probably be furious and start looking for another boss and another boyfriend! Rightly so, too. Can you see that this is the way you’re treating yourself? Every day! What’s happening is that you’re foregoing so much joy in the present by punishing yourself in an attempt to achieve goals.
In what ways are you sabotaging your own self-confidence? Here’s a question you need to ask yourself: “When do I feel really good about myself?” Take your time with this. Find as many answers to that question as you can. You might be surprised at all the answers you come up with.
Here’s what you can do. Instead of telling yourself, “I’ll like myself when…” replace it with “Right now, I really feel good about myself because…” Do that daily; every morning come up with as many answers as you can. When you honor yourself for who you are right now, you build on your self-confidence.