Barriers to Your Progress in Achieving Self Confidence
Have you ever wondered about how you might be benefitting by not being confident? Could there be a payoff that you don’t recognize on a conscious level? Is there anything you might lose if you suddenly had great self-confidence?
If these questions surprise you, answer this: why is it so difficult for us as human beings to change unhealthy habits or negative states of mind and negative behavior?
The answer is that we actually get many benefits that we don’t acknowledge or even are aware of.
If this weren’t true, why do many people stay in hurtful relationships month after month, year after year, unable to break out?
Here are some of the payoffs that keep them there:
Sympathy and attention from friends
An excuse for not improving their own lives
An excuse for indulging in bad habits
An excuse for not looking at their own issues
The same is true for you if you are living with low self-confidence, all the time complaining about it. You could be receiving some of the benefits mentioned above, and possibly some of these:
People will feel sorry for you
People will support you and try to help you
People will like you and see you as non-threatening since you are not competing with them
You avoid failing at anything since you’re probably not attempting anything in the first place
You get a pass on your bad behavior since everyone knows you don’t feel good about yourself
Don’t feel too bad, though. This is a big club that lots of us belong to without even recognizing it.
This thinking allows us to avoid taking responsibility for all kinds of things.
We can be lazy and live on a level that’s inferior to the best we are capable of. We don’t have to act or take risks, so we won’t have to deal with the disappointment if those actions or risks don’t work out as we’d like.
It’s safe and it’s easy; it’s just not very fulfilling. Is this you?
We all know people whose basic attitude is, “Poor me!”
Most of us have enough compassion and empathy to help these people, but the truth is that the whole scenario wears us our eventually. We become a little resentful and start looking for a way out.
The “Poor me’s” want and need the attention, but they also know that it can end at any time. And while people are getting attention by displaying a lack of self-confidence and self-esteem, it’s very difficult to choose to work toward achieving more self-confidence. Is this you?
What payoffs are you getting for your lack of self-confidence?
If you aren’t a powerful, confident person, make a list of the payoffs you are getting. Frequently, people may be powerful in one area of life but stuck in a mindset of low self-confidence in another area. Could that be you? Don’t give yourself a pass or give up on the other areas that need work.
It isn’t easy to recognize how you might be sabotaging your self-confidence with some of these payoffs. It’s even harder to confront them and begin to change. But the real truth is that the payoffs you get from living with these bad habits are an illusion. They won’t actually satisfy you or ever give you self-confidence. Letting go of the old payoffs is the road to gaining the confidence that will satisfy you and give you a truly fulfilling life.